Coconut Killer Man

Costa Rica has guided tours for absolutely everything. Everywhere you go there is tour to go do something interesting. From scuba diving, to hiking the rain forest, zip lines, surfing, you name it. Except for the one tour I’d actually pay money to experience.

I want a “Be Robinson Crusoe for a day” guided tour. The guide can pretend to be Friday, and the whole day is about living as a castaway on a deserted island. From constructing basic shelter using beach materials to finding edible plants and drinking coconut juice.

Well, I haven’t seen such a tour, but in standard Mr. Fairy Tale style, why should that stop me?

Walking down the beach near Montezuma Costa Rica, I saw some coconuts on the beach. Now I’d always thought of coconuts as those round hairy things you find in grocery stores. The reality is somewhat different. The round hairy thing is actually like a seed inside a much larger husk that looks somewhat like an odd fibrous pillow.

Now since I’m pretending to be Robinson Crusoe, I can’t use anything I didn’t find on the beach. After a few moments of hunting I find an edged rock and two logs with a crack between them. I wedged the coconut between the logs and beat on it with the edged rock. Once I split the husk, I spent about 10 minutes peeling back the edges until I could get to the normal hairy coconut inside.

The moment of truth!

With two careful blows, I cracked the coconut. Tipping it up to my mouth I drank the fresh “heart juice” of my recently slaughtered coconut. Most of it anyway, as a Castaway, I had to let some run down the front of my shirt.

I had conquered the wild coconut!!

Beating my chest and shouting, I proclaimed myself “John – Coconut Killer Man”!

I now know, with certainty, if I am ever stranded on a desert island with sharp rocks and a large supply of coconuts, that I can survive for a time on coconuts I kill.